A few years ago I had the pleasure of photographing ms. Kerosene Deluxe when I was in Vancouver and this time I went back, I contacted her again to see if she'd be up for some fun! We actually shot at the same hotel, but this time my view was totally different (with 2 walls of windows), we were shooting at night, AND my work has changed a bit since our first shoot! As usual, it was a pleasure to see this babe who was one of the first plus size models to "make it" in the industry. Unfortunately, due to some life circumstances, she had to take a brief hiatus from modeling, but luckily, she came to play with me!
She Wanted to Hide Under the Covers ~ Winnipeg boudoir photography
I first met Miss M when I moved into my studio and held a body positive "support group" and I was immediately captured by her stunning eyes, but more importantly her willingness to share her story and I could feel some sadness behind her. After that meeting we kept in touch via the social media and I saw this babe accomplish some killer shit....she's amazing at organizing events where people could be themselves without fear. She makes people feel included and gives them space to not only exist, but to be seen and live their best lives. In addition to that, she just recently ran a marathon in Vegas I believe and I totally tip my hat to anyone who can run without being chased. In any case, I asked her to write her story for the blog because I feel she is amazingly motivational and sassy af:I was 28, and had always thought about doing a sassy Boudoir shoot. I wanted to do it for myself, to See myself in a light that I hadn't before. And I had the Idea to plan one for my 30th birthday as a gift to myself. I googled "Boudoir photography Winnipeg" and upon looking at a few different photographer's sites and portfolios, Found Teri. I sent her an email to book a consult, and so begins my journey to finding myself. To finding myself in front of her lens, to finding myself sitting anxiously for my reveal, to finding myself looking at myself in not only the light I'd hoped, but in one I didn't expect.During the 2 years leading up to my shoot, I joined Teri's Facebook group, and found SO many great women to connect with that empower each other and lean on each other. I worked with Teri on a couple of her projects and started to enjoy being in front of her camera, preparing myself for my official shoot. Her "Too much" project helped me see some of the bullshit we're fed in being told to be 'less' of what we are, to fit someone else's ideals. And Her open letter to Additionelle was an eyeopener as well in showing body diversity in lingerie and clothing. I did a mini body positivity workshop, and it showed me how Media affects body image and diet culture in subtle and sinister ways, and where my own body issues started.I took advantage of Teri's payment plan to pay for my session, and made monthly payments for a collection. By the time My shoot date rolled around, I just had to show up, and that was it. It was truly an amazing way to make my shoot worry free (less the anxiety of actually getting in front of the camera!)The morning of my shoot, I made my way to Teri's Studio. Let me tell you, I was real close to turning around, cancelling the entire thing, and going home to hide under my covers. But I am SO glad that I didn't, as this turned into one of the best experiences of my life, and one of the biggest turning points in how I look at myself. Hair and makeup with Nicole was super relaxing and pampering and made me feel like a million bucks before starting my shoot. After a few relaxation exercises and loosening up a bit, we picked outfits and were off to the races! I felt sassy, and sexy, and like a completely different person. I was definitely sore after from all of the booty popping, and back arching, but I was SO excited to see how my images looked.A week or so later was my reveal. Sitting there Waiting for my images to appear, I was probably more nervous than I was for the shoot itself, because I always looked at images of myself and picked them apart. One of the rules in reveals is to look at images as if they are of someone else. This was easier than I expected and as I saw my images scroll through on the screen, I was completely in awe at myself. I saw beauty in myself, I saw my cheekbones, and my lips, and the different colours in my eyes. I saw the sassiness I felt on my shoot day, and I fell in love with what myself more with every image.Now here I sit, a year after my reveal, and I am Still in Love with my images. I am able to see positives in every image I see of myself, as opposed to negatives. I see the image as a whole, and the overall beauty in that moment in time. Was that one shoot a magic fix? No. I Have bad body image days like everyone else does, and I have days where I pick an image apart and see "flaws". But those days are fewer and farther between, and I cannot WAIT to do another shoot with Teri.If you are considering a shoot with Teri, and are unsure, Take the leap, You won't regret it. This has had a profound and lasting effect on me, and I truly am a different person and have different perceptions since doing my shoot.Is 2019 the year that you want to see yourself in a new light? Perhaps show that body of yours some love and realize it's not as bad as you think it is? Then hit us up with an email and get the low down on the empowerment sessions we offer!
A Bunch of Sh*t You Should Know Before Getting Nakey With Me ~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
Doing a boudoir session or empowerment session is scary af. I mean, there's a reason I always say "If I had a dollar for every woman that told me she never takes good photos I wouldn't have to charge for what I do". The thing is, getting your picture taken is vulnerable in itself...but then to do with very little to no clothes on???!!! YOU MUST BE MAD! Well, after photographing hundreds and hundreds of women over the last 4ish years, I can tell you a few common truths:
1) Literally EVERY woman is nervous (even me, when I get photographed!! And I get photographed at least 3 X a year to make sure I remember just how terrifying it is!)
2)EVERY woman also thinks that she will be the one that "breaks" my camera with her face or body. Just to be clear, that's not how cameras work...the only reason it would break is because I shoot....A LOT.
3)While the wardrobe is important, it's not REALLY important. I always say your lingerie and fancy bits are really just my way to get you naked and exist in that beautiful body of yours! While we love to play dress up, we actually just want you to be the most comfortable in the one suit you wear all the time - your birthday suit!
4)The more you trust that the weird shit I'm asking you to do actually looks good, the better the photos will turn out. I cannot stress this enough. There is nothing "normal" about what we do in boudoir photography, it's all about popping, locking, laughing, and doing things on cue....and the hardest thing, BREATHING THROUGH YOUR MOUTH AND RELAXING YOUR SHOULDERS. Trust me, when I say, that you would rather your mouth look sensual (open and relaxed) instead of a butthole (think tightly pursed - aka duck lips). This is my job and I am damn good at it, so the more trust you give me, the better the images will turn out.
5) I AM A BODY IMAGE ACTIVIST FIRST, PHOTOGRAPHER SECOND. So, what that means to you is that if you legit don't "like" something about an image or your body, it's important that we talk about it, either in your consultation or at your reveal, but NOT during the session (plus I talk so much while I shoot that it's probably very difficult for you to get a word in tbh). But seriously, if looking at a photo as we go through them one by one makes you cringe, let's talk about it. If we can get to the root of it then we can help heal your body image issues. If you don't tell me, I can't help. And no, I will not be offended. Another thing I have learned from shooting copious amounts of babes is that I am DAMN GOOD at my job (and I know that sounds cocky, but hey, I work by myself essentially so there's no one else to give me props) and that I could take THEEE best photos ever and if your mindset is not there, it won't fucking matter. SO, if we can talk about it, then we can make some headway! And please know that I am not the "just LOOOOOVE your tum" kinda gal, but rather a "you don't have to love it, but you do have to accept it" kinda gal because I know it's a damn long process.
winnipeg boudoir photography
So, with those main bits out the way, I am going to let my previous Boudy Babes impart their wisdom to help you see the "other side" of doing a boudoir session. I can tell you all day e'rryday that doing a boudoir session is going to change your life, but I am, of course, incredibly biased as this is how I make a living:PEARLS OF WISDOM FROM FACEBOOK LAND:
Miss R. : "For me it was life changing and so empowering. I was more nervous then I had ever been and [Teri was] so fun and calming it was almost effortless."
Miss J.: "To trust Teri, she knows exactly what she is doing and the images will be incredibly empowering and perhaps life changing. And to trust yourself and the original reasons you decided to do this. Don’t doubt yourself in studio - it doesn’t matter about what you are wearing or the poses you do. For the reveal, you will be blown away, overwhelmed, and leave that studio feeling like a new person. Everyone needs to be photographed this way. We need to see what others see in us and but for these short, limited experiences; we are robbed of this incredible vision. That’s the best part - you have the photos forever and even though it’s been a year since my first photo shoot; I look at these photos on a very regular basis. They help ground me, encourage me, and feel like I can achieve great things. Yes, some people do this for their husbands or spouses but I’m telling you: do this for you. You are worth it."
Miss S: "My advice for a session with Teri: DO IT! I mean that, don't overthink, don't talk yourself out of it, just do it before your mind can take over. Click that book button.Invest in yourself, by this I mean all the self care, all the trying on outfits (even though Teri has a ton to offer you).The moment you book, the mindset of pampering yourself an valuing yourself changes, you suddenly start realizing you are worth it.Teri will guide you through every pose, every moment, every thing possible, so let her do her magic and just show up for the ride!Teri is so fun, relaxing, non judgmental, professional and intuitive. Truly listen to her, be with her, and enjoy the MOMENT at hand.Get naked... seriously... for all the above reasons.. do it!"
Miss K: "Just do it. Teri and her makeup team are the sweetest. You will love these images forever. - And dont wait for your body. If you think you need to lose weight or change something, then you need the experiance even more. You are beautiful and Teri can show you."
Miss A: "Those excuses your making? They're holding you back from one of the best experiences of your LIFE that will have lasting rewards. You haven't seen yourself until you've seen yourself from Teri's perspective. Go, go now. Make it happen, it will be the best gift you can give to yourself, and you deserve it even if you don't know that yet!!"
Miss A: "Addressing what you’re nervous about is always a great place to start! Teri uses humor to break the ice while flooding your mentality with positive thoughts. She’s super directive to help make your beautiful form show no matter what. Do the thing you’re nervous about, avoid avoidance!"
Miss J: " Teri says that her photos reflect how others see you, and she's right. Every time I look at the photos, I can see how my body is connected to itself, rather than just seeing arms or legs or tummy or chubby calves. I see ME. All of me, the real me. I'm kinder to myself now, too - because of these photos. So be brave. Do it. Book the session. And when you're 37 or 45 or 52 or 78, you'll be able to look at the photos and think: "Damn, girl. You've always been this beautiful." And my profile pic is my favourite photo - it's just how I see myself now."
Miss M: "I booked a session with Teri looking for self acceptance. I didn’t find it in my photos but what I did find was, a feeling of sexiness I thought was lost. I found another prospective in how I see myself, yes I’m big, and that’s ok because I’m a beautiful person on the inside. When I first saw my photos I focused on EVERYTHING Teri told me not to and I wasn’t disappointed in the photos as much as I was in myself and what I had let my body become. But that’s all it is a body, a body that once you die dies with you and what is left is who you where as a person. I did what Teri told me too, I looked at the photos almost everyday and the more I did that I saw something different about myself that I loved. I even started to love my “flaws” more. It’s a journey and I’m slowly getting to the place I want to be. Teri gave me the tools to help me achieve what I wanted to with her shoot but I did the work. I will forever be grateful to her for giving me those tools because without them I wouldn’t love myself like I do today. ❤️ thanks Teri"
Miss A: "You'll be super hot and they are just for you! She's fairly easy to relax around when she's taking pics. I've wound up laughing both times, while everything was just hanging out."
Miss B: "I impulsively bought a "black Friday deal" after following Teri's page for awhile. I booked it for March...maybe April.. lolI didn't prepare and Teri walked me through the whole process. Step by step. I love each and every pic. "
Miss M: "Don't over think it. She's a professional and a badass at making you feel boss AF. It's literally what she does for a living. In the words of Nike and Shia, "Just do it!"
PEARLS OF WISDOM FROM THE INSTA STORIES:
"Best choice I've made. Changed my life. She will make you laugh and feel comfortable. DO ITTTTTTT."
"Save up and trust you're in good hands! The best team I've ever met!
""She is the most relaxed, easy going person I've shot with and she gives great direction!"
"Don't worry. Your images will be TERI-FFIC."
"I would tell them to be honest about their fears. It's Teri! Teri always knows how to make someone comfortable"
"DO IT!!! Best decision. Teri and her team will make you feel fab, make you laugh, and have fun."
"1000% worth every penny and more! I never saw in myself what Teri brought to light and I learned to embrace it"
"Do it anyway.""Teri will bring out the beauty you have but don't know you have...if that makes sense..."
"That it is a unique opportunity to really step outside one's comfort zone."
"Take a breath and do it. It will be the most life changing experience. You will never look at yourself the same again."
"Teri's a ball of fun! My cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing so hard!"
"There is clear and effective communication which makes posing way more comfortable."
And last but not least, my favorite:
From my makeup artist Kylie: "It might feel like she's taking photos of your anus...but she's not. It'll all make sense...shadows and what not."
So, hopefully, these little words of wisdom have given you a wee bit of confidence to do something that scares the shit out of you and makes you want to take at least a little step closer to that comfort zone and just *see* what's on the other side. I will be waiting there with open arms, a boudy babe robe (for when you get nakey), and an amazing team of stylists & photographers ready to help you truly embrace your awesomeness and have photographic evidence to remember it by!If you are ready to jump on in, shoot us an email letting us know how we can help you feel babely in your skin!
Neon ~ Toronto Editorial Session
Model: Taylor Oakes / The Internet CreatureLocation: Neon Demon StudiosNot much to write in regards to this shoot aside from it was fucking awesome to let loose inside a studio full of neon lights and fun shit with Taylor head to toe in glittery outfits.
Identity Crisis {Guest Post}~ Winnipeg Boudoir Photography
boudoir photography winnipeg
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS BLOG POST DEALS HEAVILY WITH WEIGHTLOSS, SURGERY, MENTIONS OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE & SEXUAL ASSAULT, AND FATPHOBIA
I have a confession. I am starting this blog without a hot clue what I want to say.Teri asked if I could share a little bit about my journey, weight loss, skin removal surgery, and my views on my body, and while I am SURE that I have much to say on the topic, I am drawing a blank and the reason why is very simple:Because body positivity is hard. There. I said it.Now let’s jump in:After a fairly traumatic adolescence and early adulthood battling substance abuse (but that’s a whole other blog post, let me know when you’re ready for that one, Teri.) I found myself almost 300 pounds and hating myself. I didn’t do much to address my concerns about my weight, but I spent just about every second of every day analyzing my body, my weight, and what I had done wrong to get it to this place where I hated it so much.Did I hate myself because I was 300 pounds and society had taught me that everything about that was shameful? Or was I 300 pounds because I hated myself? I searched for the answers. Maybe I was neglecting myself. Maybe I didn’t feel like I was worth caring for. I looked around at family members, was it my genes? Maybe I was subconsciously attempting to protect myself from the violent gaze of men after being a victim of sexual assault. Surely, I am emotional eating to mask the pain. OR What if this was a personal failing? Was I just deeply and profoundly flawed and that was the hand I was dealt in life? Is Karma a thing? Is the universe getting even for all the mistakes I’d made? How could life be SO unfair?! I spent years trying to rationalize my shame around my weight. Standing In front of the mirror in tears, pleading with the universe to fix me.It was exhausting.Then through the magic of the internet, I found out about the Body Positivity Movement. This idea that I could be fat AND OKAY?! Well that just blew my mind. This whole other way of thinking was so exciting to me. I wanted to know more. HOW CAN I BE BODY POSITIVE TOO?!I followed all the Instagram accounts, I joined the Facebook groups, I googled the memes, I read the books, I watched the documentaries and to be completely honest,… I didn’t really get it…But oh dear Lord, how I wanted to get it! I wanted to feel okay. I wanted to love myself.So I faked it. Fake it ‘till you make it, baby! I walked the walk and I talked the talk. I shared the posts and I publicly celebrated me. I liked everything I was promoting but I wasn’t sure that I was really feeling it at my core. Years of self-loathing is hard to just turn off. (Am I right?!) Nevertheless, I kept at it. I wanted to be enlightened too.And eventually the funniest thing started happening,… if you surround yourself with positive energy, reassuring thoughts, and inspiring people,…. It becomes you. You become it. Like, actually.I had not realized it at the time but looking back, I wasn’t miserable because I was fat. I was miserable because I was filling my own world with negativity every single day.As the positivity crept in and started taking up all of the spaces that were once full of hate, my whole world started changing for the better.But now that I wasn’t spending every waking moment analyzing my shame, what was I going to do with all this free time?!I decided I would take “fake it till you make it” to a completely new level. I entered a Plus Size Modelling contest for a local plus size clothing shop,… and son of a bitch, I won!I WAS FAT AND I WAS OKAY.Around this time I met Teri Hofford and I had my first shoot with her. I loved her light and her energy and I wanted more of it. I had a BLAST. I started modelling more and I really fell in love with it. Teri’s studio became a safe place for me. I could be who I am, and my body could be what it is, and I never had to worry about anything. Unapologetically naked and unapologetically fat.I WAS FAT AND I WAS OKAY.I started dating again and men liked me. I was funny, and charming, and kind of cute even.I WAS FAT AND I WAS OKAY.I GOT IT! FINALLY! I WAS BODY POSITIVE!As I started to accept myself more and more I stopped dwelling on the past and began focusing on the future and my goals. I wanted to go to the gym, I wanted to diet, I wanted to lose weight!!!…. …. ….. WAIT… What?.... Is that body positive? … Shit. I was stumped.Like I said, Body Positivity is hard.So, I reverted to an old tactic… I’m going to analyze this and I’m going to get to the bottom of it!Why did I want to lose weight?Surely, to be healthy! Yes, that is body positive. And I liked feeling strong and powerful! Yes, that is body positive too. The endorphins give me energy! Yes! I am still body positive!But also, honestly… because I still hated my body. I was still ashamed of my fat.I cannot say this enough… Body Positivity is hard!I went to the gym, I changed my diet, but I also made sure to remind myself of my worth every single day and that that worth was not determined by my weight.Over the next 2 years, I lost 100 pounds. I now sit around 175 (but I don’t pay much attention). I moved in and out of healthy spaces along the way. I balanced the days I paid too much attention to the scale with days where I just felt happy to be me but eventually I was struggling with a new shame. The fat I hated so much was replaced with excess skin that I hated even more.Body positivity is hard.Could I want to lose weight and still be body positive? That one was tricky.Could I get plastic surgery and still be body positive?At this point I was done analyzing, I was going to do what made me happy and I did not care who (including myself) understood it.With the help of some great women who had been there before, I found a surgeon and had my excess skin removed. The surgery involved cutting a 20-inch horizontal incision across my hips and another 10-inch vertical incision up to my sternum and removing 5 pounds of excess skin from my abdomen. My belly button was realigned and the skin from my back and hips was pulled away from the muscles and stretched forward and to cover my tummy. This was not a minor procedure. The recovery was hard. I could not take much for pain management due to my past addiction issues. I could not stand up straight and used a walker to get around for 2 weeks. I was off work for 6 weeks and out of the gym for 3 months. I am told I will be fully healed in about a year.At this point, the weight was lost, the skin was removed, and I prepared myself to fight a new mental battle against my scars but the most peculiar thing happened. I LOVE THEM. These scars represent my strength. They are a reminder everyday of how truly amazing my body is. When I was almost 300 pounds it carried me. As I started fueling my body with nutritious food and self care it energized me and made me unstoppable. It did incredible things in the gym every single day that I wasn’t sure it was capable of. It was cut up and stitched shut, and it healed me. I have nothing but MAD RESPECT for this body o’ mine.Once I was healed and armed with mad respect it was time for another session with Teri Hofford. I hadn’t done a shoot in over a year and working up to shoot day I was nervous, which in itself was out of character for me but I felt like I was a different person and this was my very first photoshoot. I have shot with Teri a lot over the years. She has seen every LITERAL inch of me but that was my old body. This one was new and I was still figuring it out…#identitycrisis. but I walked into the studio and it was the exact same safe place it had always been. One of the first things she asked me was how I felt about my scars and if I was comfortable showing them. HECK YES! “What have you got for wardrobe?”“I’m thinking nothing. Are you okay with that?” LET’S DO THIS! In an instant, I wasn’t nervous anymore. It’s almost like fat Nikita and Skinny(er) Nikita were the exact same person all along (radical concept I know.) And as always, (no matter the size of my body) I look at the beautiful photos Teri has captured and I feel proud.My mind is *usually* a safe place to be now. Rather than feel like a failure or a hypocrite, I accept that body positivity is a process. That it is something I am going to have to work at and that some days will be harder than others. I accept that that I am not perfect. I don’t have all of the answers and that my understanding of what it means to love myself is sometimes going to be lacking insight but I am going to do it anyway.There is so much pressure on women today to look a certain way and to behave a certain way. It can be confusing to navigate all of the expectations. When it came to being Body Positive / Self Accepting, I was still trying to do it “right” in the eyes of everyone else and it took a while for me to realize that it is a personal journey. It is about dropping the expectations and just doing you.As Teri once told me…. The LEAST interesting thing about you is what you look like.
